I've been thinking a lot about my quest for self-improvement lately and it's got me feelin' kinda strange. I don't really know how to describe it, but I guess it's been different than I expected. It's almost like I expected everyone to notice my changes like a new haircut or a nice new jacket or pair of shoes... but most people don't really notice new haircuts, or coats, or shoes.
I guess that is going to be one of my biggest lessons on this little journey of mine; Humility.
~
I said I wanted to change for selfless reasons, and not for recognition, yet it seems I've been going at this the wrong way all along. I've been sitting here expecting a pat on the back for my 'noble crusade' and wondrous efforts. That's a silly notion to begin with. Nobody really knows that I've been wanting to whine all day about how much my back hurts, or that I bit my tongue and held back my smart-ass comment when someone said something dense. To me the change is drastic and at times even overwhelmingly difficult, but to a mere passerby in the moments of my life they are simply subtle.
~
This is not for recognition or rewards. This is to be a better man. This is to be a better person. This is as real as it's been... This is as real as it gets I suppose.