I may not be old, but I am old enough to know a few things. I've grown to realize that the older we get, the harder things seem to be. Unexpected complications are added to the once simple equation. I don't remember my first steps, but I can imagine that when I took them I must have felt like the world was now mine. I had conquered that which had never been conquered before. I had become mobile. The smallest thing which I now take for granted was the most spectacular discovery of the time. The world was mine. Or so it seemed. As I crept up the ladder of time, new areas of life opened for exploration. Speech, for instance, seems to be the gift that I choose to take advantage of on a regular basis. Thought... I think, therefore I am. The little steps that slowly build up to create the person I will one day become. Every minute a child takes its first steps somewhere in the world. Breathes its first breath, speaks its first word. It was all so calm and simple then. Life had a true and certain meaning. An uninhibited freedom in which one could choose to express ones self in whatever way the young mind might grasp.
I watched as a young boy stumbled about a coffee shop yesterday. His steps were cautious and calculated. He was performing a daring feat of stupendous courage as he braved the great expanse of open floor. It didn't matter if he fell. He got right back up and he kept going. As I sat there watching this toddlers strange step, I realized just how much I missed it. Childhood. The lack of understanding, and the curiosity to know for yourself what was behind it all. Listening to his careless laugh I knew how much life would change for him one day. Some day he might go to school, he might learn a thing or two. He could meet friends and lose friends. He may fall in love, and be loved. Die of a broken heart, only to live again to break one himself. That child had a full life of mystery laying out on the road ahead of him and there is no way that I could possibly know what it would bring him. In that moment I realized just how alone I truly was. We all drift through life, never knowing for certain what might come and go. We gain whatever knowledge we choose to, and hold on to what we believe is important. I suppose the scary part of growing up, is realizing that 1+1 does not neccesarily equal 2.